God, I'm so desperate. Don't know what happens to me, but I'm not willing to and I can't live the way how I live right now! I want to transform in something better like caterpillar goes through difficult process of becoming a butterfly. There's a myriad of opportunities around. Be a journalist and go to the planet's most hot spots or become a medical doctor to cure peoples of Africa. Maybe become an uncorrupted politician and fight for justice in our nation. None of these works for me. Who... am... I...?
Sometimes, I wish I wouldn't be so stubborn, bold, and enthusiastic, but otherwise it wouldn't be me. I want to live by the highest standards appointed by myself. Gerry Spenser teaches to listen to one's own inner voice which will guide him to his promised land. Steve Jobs in his commencement address at Standford University said practically the same.
Those people who can hear spirit's voice inside of them are capable to make a real difference in history.
They who live justly and bravely shall not perish from the face of the Earth. I refuse to be a coward, a pathetic youngster. Life is more than that! Life is more than fun and party. These are just other ways of wasting time. Idea and the means to embody this idea, this is what should lead any individual. The idea suppose to bring positive effect to the society as a whole. One of the ways to find your personal idea is to try doing everything. But, it's like striving to drink all the water from the ocean. Another way is to go somewhere and live by your own. That's what I'm planning to do. When one is living along with no help from anyone trying to build his own life, he become more realistic and he knows what he is capable of doing. However, the best way is to look inside of yourself and see what you are longing for. I feel that I'm in anguish because of injustice, ignorance, and indifference around me. I want to be like Martin Luther (original/King), Jan Hus, Copernicus, Socrates, Victor Hugo and even controversial Malcolm X and Julian Assange. These historical figures were and are so dissimilar and they lived in so much different ages, but they are combined by one struggle which is to make live more enlightened and better. They had different means, but one principal. They opened people's eyes as well as their own. This is what I want!!! I believe that in my spirit there's enough power and wisdom to break all boundaries that stand between me and my happy productive life.
...I wish these words and my inner anguish would not be vanished in the nihility, but would be implemented in the real life.
