I was always trying to be polite, smile. It seemed like this was the way I had to communicate with the people. Laugh when people joke (even if I didn't get it) and be serious when I have a business conversation. However, after carefully studying the life of Sergei Bodrov Jr., the Russian renowned actor and director, I came to a new conclusion. One can be kind and real at the same time. There's no need to apologize for my thoughtful face when my mind is absorbed by an idea. And I don't have to beg pardon for the smile when I'm in the good mood. Be real.
This is an easy and complicated concept at the same time. Who am I really? Am I a shy and a bit funky boy who always does what other people tell him? Or do I have some core values, some unchangeable character traits that will guide me in the right direction if I will allow them to do it? The second one sounds more convincing. Therefore, the task now is to find these true traits that I've been gifted by. To find the genuine self.
I've been playing an actor for too long. It's almost impossible to figure out where I play a good person and where I really am so. Society has nurtured me to pretend to be always good and that's understandable. Because if I will be the same as them, I will be predictable and, thus, trustworthy. People know what to expect from me because I follow the script (i.e. ethical rules) they have written. I'm not telling that I have to brake those rules, in fact I believe they are necessary for society. But, now it seems that these rules put me in the very tight box. I believe it's time to "unfollow" them.
The way to be real is to listen to the inner self and do what it suggests. Don't look around, but rather focus on the heart. I believe it should take time until my inner ears will attune to the quiet whisper of my heart. It will take time and courage because I have to completely ignore other people's reaction on my behavior, and allow heart to guide me no matter where.
