A "positive" thought

After watching "Into the Wild" I was struck. The main character's logic was so similar to mine! Whenever I think of a family man's simple life who goes to work every day and spends his spare time in the couch watching TV, it makes me want to throw up. I hate this life with all of my soul. I want adventures, I seek for them! I want to visit all continents and see different countries! I want to create great masterpieces! I want to have discussions on spiritual, political, scientific topics with prominent people around the world!

I want to do great things! Oh, how deep inside me this is embedded! Music, engineering, writing, acting, dancing, interviewing. So much to do! And I'm not complaining that the life is unfair to me and I never had a chance. On the contrary, I had a lot of opportunities, but I missed all of them. I have a wonderful family, people around me are friendly, I live in the richest country on the planet. I'm a good looking guy with a sharp wit willing to study and work hard. But I ruin my life every day because I hate what I'm doing and, thus, I hate who I am.

I dream about a day when I will pack all my stuff in my car, say "Bye!" to my parents, and go search for my promised land somewhere else. I don't know what I'm created for, but I know for sure that the life I'm living is deeply unsatisfying to me...

He who does not work, neither shall he eat

I just feel like to write right now at 1am... so, dear journal!

As long as I remember myself, I always had a considerable flow of thoughts in my mind. One interrupts another. It happens quick and very often. However, it's rare when a worthy idea comes to me. I wanted to write a book, learn to play instruments, become a leader, make at least one person happy... no success. Why? Maybe I didn't work hard enough to become good at anything. Maybe I'm too lazy and easily bored person. Maybe...

The more and more failures I have, the lower my self-esteem becomes. This week it reached the lowest possible point. What's the sense of life when you're loser at everything? To be a mockery to the delight of the crowd? Society doesn't like thoughtful people or the ones who recognized themselves as a failure. Each person needs to know that he lives, works, and dies among successful and happy individuals. So, what am I to do? Put a mask on my face and play my role because I don't want my neighbor to feel uncomfortable? I desperately need to find my calling in order to do what I was born for. Otherwise, it's better to isolate myself from the people.

What a joy it is to know that what you love to do makes other people happy!!! No matter whether a person is a musician, carpenter, civil engineer, or an art director. All contribute to a better society. That's the way how it suppose to be. Those who do not bring benefit, must not reap the goods. So, if I'm a failure, I shall not use the public streets, go to the public restrooms, visit the church, and use police protection. This all is not for me, but for those who work.

It's possible that when the new Nazi-like regime will appear in the USA, I'll be the first in the line of the people ready to enter the hot ovens to be burned...