I just feel like to write right now at 1am... so, dear journal!
As long as I remember myself, I always had a considerable flow of thoughts in my mind. One interrupts another. It happens quick and very often. However, it's rare when a worthy idea comes to me. I wanted to write a book, learn to play instruments, become a leader, make at least one person happy... no success. Why? Maybe I didn't work hard enough to become good at anything. Maybe I'm too lazy and easily bored person. Maybe...
The more and more failures I have, the lower my self-esteem becomes. This week it reached the lowest possible point. What's the sense of life when you're loser at everything? To be a mockery to the delight of the crowd? Society doesn't like thoughtful people or the ones who recognized themselves as a failure. Each person needs to know that he lives, works, and dies among successful and happy individuals. So, what am I to do? Put a mask on my face and play my role because I don't want my neighbor to feel uncomfortable? I desperately need to find my calling in order to do what I was born for. Otherwise, it's better to isolate myself from the people.
What a joy it is to know that what you love to do makes other people happy!!! No matter whether a person is a musician, carpenter, civil engineer, or an art director. All contribute to a better society. That's the way how it suppose to be. Those who do not bring benefit, must not reap the goods. So, if I'm a failure, I shall not use the public streets, go to the public restrooms, visit the church, and use police protection. This all is not for me, but for those who work.
It's possible that when the new Nazi-like regime will appear in the USA, I'll be the first in the line of the people ready to enter the hot ovens to be burned...
As long as I remember myself, I always had a considerable flow of thoughts in my mind. One interrupts another. It happens quick and very often. However, it's rare when a worthy idea comes to me. I wanted to write a book, learn to play instruments, become a leader, make at least one person happy... no success. Why? Maybe I didn't work hard enough to become good at anything. Maybe I'm too lazy and easily bored person. Maybe...
The more and more failures I have, the lower my self-esteem becomes. This week it reached the lowest possible point. What's the sense of life when you're loser at everything? To be a mockery to the delight of the crowd? Society doesn't like thoughtful people or the ones who recognized themselves as a failure. Each person needs to know that he lives, works, and dies among successful and happy individuals. So, what am I to do? Put a mask on my face and play my role because I don't want my neighbor to feel uncomfortable? I desperately need to find my calling in order to do what I was born for. Otherwise, it's better to isolate myself from the people.
What a joy it is to know that what you love to do makes other people happy!!! No matter whether a person is a musician, carpenter, civil engineer, or an art director. All contribute to a better society. That's the way how it suppose to be. Those who do not bring benefit, must not reap the goods. So, if I'm a failure, I shall not use the public streets, go to the public restrooms, visit the church, and use police protection. This all is not for me, but for those who work.
It's possible that when the new Nazi-like regime will appear in the USA, I'll be the first in the line of the people ready to enter the hot ovens to be burned...
No comments:
Post a Comment