I Hate to Love

During my lifetime I saw many people gifted with the so-called pastor's heart. Even I recently began to experience it by talking with different people and helping them. It's more than just sympathy or generosity. It's about loving people whoever they are.

There is a person I know who serves to multitudes everyday with no profit from it. He gets up at 8am in the morning and goes to bed at 12am. Sometimes he's so fatigued that when he takes a shower he shakes from stress as in ague. And if anyone would ask him why he wears out himself so much for others, he would certainly answer, "Because I love them." This love is unnatural, it verges on insanity. People who catch the fire of unconditional love will either burn out really fast or train the extinguisher of indifference on them.

I fell in love with several young lasses and all of these relationships were serious to me. However, one of them stands out. For the first time, it didn't foretoken any special singularity. I saw the girl, I came up to her, and I started a conversation. Later on I was convinced that we are two diverse individuals and wanted to bring to an end our interrelations. I was successful at it, but failed by stopping to love her. I don't really care with whom she will date or what life path will choose, I'm just interested either she's happy or not. My dependence on her kills me.

Maybe both of above-mentioned loves seem different, but they are, in fact, identical. These loves are strong, unconditional, and self-sacrificial. They don't ask "Would you like to experience us?," they just come and stay in many people's hearts. However, it's really hard to experience love to other people... it's even hard to love yourself. What are we going to do with this love? Will we make it our driving force or take the "extinguisher" out? It depends on every person. I hate to love because of how it exhausts me everyday, but I never experienced anything better and, thus, I decide to stay under control of unconditional love