There is something especially beautiful in people who leave everything in order to find the sense for their lives. They know that if they will continue to live in the system (i.e. choose a career path, start a family, be an active part of a community), they will miss something very important. So, they decide to seek for the truth no matter what. While the grey masses of people just satisfied with what they are given and live just like everybody else, these seekers stand out and always make a difference.
Even though I have not yet done anything of importance, I see that the driving force of my life is discontent.
I figured out that if I'm not crazy about Jesus, meaning, I'm not laying all myself at His feet, then I don't really know Him. In fact, I'm probably a hypocrite in the closet. I'm the person who was touched by the Holy Spirit, but don't really bother to know Him. This condition really frustrates me. I want to know who God is with no intercessors. This feeling lead me to start the Bible study for a short period of time until I was distracted. But I'm still eager to know Him.
During my childhood I always heard the music inside me. I could only hum it. I never really believed that it could go anywhere further. But the more I hear the music of different genres, the more I feel like I can do better than many of the top music writers nowadays. Just a year or two ago I began to feel like I'm getting some deep lyrics that born inside my heart. I would like to write music with the lyrics being written in English, French, Italian, Hebrew, Russian. Blend the traditional music of many different cultures and mix the genres. So, I started to take piano classes, hoping that it will lead me somewhere.
My last area of discontent is science. I admire people who are working hard to understand math, physics, and chemistry. It enlightens and gives tools to understand the world. Meanwhile, mostly what you need in music writing is passion and creativity, science requires hard work. It is almost guaranteed that any person with P.E., M.D. or Ph.D. written by their names is a committed, organized, and trustworthy individual. I want to be one of them. Even if I will not work a lot in the scientific industry, I know that science will make me richer and the learning process in college will force me to become orderly. That's why I'm majoring in engineering.
At this life stage I don't know yet how far my aspiring and discontent will lead me. I hope to achieve something in my life. I hope that if somebody will write a book or make a movie about my life after I will die, it will inspire others to look for their areas of dissatisfaction and deal with them.
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